Monday, July 19, 2010

100 Days Challenge - Belief and Trust

Please Note: I started my 100 Days Challenge on May 25, 2010 but you can start any time. I hope you'll join me in working towards positive change. My original post on my 100 Days Challenge will explain what I am doing and how I chose my challenge.

Today is the 56th day, the end of the 8th week, of my challenge. I'm a little more than halfway through and I have practiced my new habit 47 days out of 56, a little less than six days out of seven. Not bad.

Well, I can say that I recommend this kind of challenge to anyone working to make changes in their life and struggling with it. Though this is still a challenge for me, -- no, because this is still challenge for me -- I am learning things about myself that I need to know.

I have learned about belief, my belief - or lack of - in myself and my ability to change. I have found that I do not believe I can make all of these changes for good in my life. Even though the proof is around me that change is possible; even though I know, intellectually, that I have not set my sights too high.

This was surprising to me. It came to me while working on my challenge. I had the thought that I would not improve my health, lose weight, etc. I can see improvement in my health and my strength since I started this challenge, even though it takes less than ten minutes out of my day. I've also been making other changes that will help me to achieve my goals. Yet, I still don't believe. What is this about?

It is about the past. I've worked to make change in the past. I've succeeded in making some changes and most people consider me successful but I have let myself down in many ways. So I have stopped believing. I no longer trust myself. there is a part of me that believes I will let myself down yet again.

Instead of feeling bad about this, I actually feel pretty good because I now understand something about myself that I didn't before. This is a problem I can work to solve. Trust has to be earned, even trust in self. I need to work to prove to myself that I can be trusted again, trusted to change my habits for the better and to actively and successfully pursue my goals. As I rebuild this trust in myself, I know I will rebuild the belief in myself as well. I'm feeling very grateful that I made this challenge 100 days; it really gives me time to prove to myself that I can stay committed and keep my word to myself.

To those who say, "the past is past, just leave it there", I envy you but I can't agree with you. Would you let someone into your home who had a habit of stealing something each time they visited you? Would you continue to patronize a gas station after you found out they had purposely mis-calibrated the gas meters in order to charge more? No, you probably wouldn't. You would use past behavior as your guide until the behavior changed and then you would use the new past behavior as a guide. That's what I do at least. Now I'm doing it to myself.

Sometimes the work comes before the inspiration.

Have you experienced anything like this? How did you or are you handling it?

I can do it! You can do it! We can do it!

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